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⚠️CONTENT WARNING: The passage you are about to read is a true life story of a victim that committed suicide due to rejection from the woman he loves as a result of his health issues. This content might be disturbing to some readers.

It is a ritual in my writings to share true life stories and provide emotional support. (Emotional support will be given at the end of the story). . . . . . . .

On a Sunday evening, after taking a walk;

I stopped by a store to get bottled water.  The cashier couldn’t attend to me immediately since there was a customer before my turn. The cashier kept explaining something about some products the lady purchased and was also trying to convince her to add a particular item to the ones she got. I became curious and went closer with my bottled water in my hand. The customer wanted to get poison for outdoor pests. Eventually, she got Sniper which seemed to be more effective just as the cashier said. When it got to my turn to make payment for the bottled water I got,

I requested she add the Sniper to my bill. The cashier flashed a satisfactory smile; the smile which means she is top in her marketing game. 

I did not buy the Sniper to control outdoor pests as she thought. Just as I mentioned earlier, life is meaningless to me. Few minutes after I got home, I got a call from my younger sister informing me that she will pay me a visit. I did not give a quick response as she expected me to say: “Come!” (In an exciting tone). Instead, I told her to come over next week because I had something to do and I did not want to give her less attention when she comes. I knew my tone sounded weird, but it did not matter to me; as long as she doesn’t show up. I went to the bedroom

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after I dropped the call and sat on my bed. I held the Sniper for a while before opening the cap. The only thought that came to my mind is: drink and rest not drink and die. I wanted to rest from: disappointments, seizures, failures and everything. 

When I gulped large amount of the liquid, I felt chills on my skin. After few seconds, I felt different. I became certain the outcome will be awful, but I don’t know how awful it will turn out. Perhaps before experiencing that, I will cease to exist on earth. It sounded like a relief to me. I stood up from the position I was sitting on the bed and quickly took another gulp. This time, the bottle was almost empty. I lost my stamina and could not stand firm on the ground. Saliva started coming out of my mouth; the taste is horrible! I had a weird feeling in my stomach; the feeling as if someone is tying my intestines so tight! I fell on my knees, while saliva kept pouring out of my mouth (not a frothing fluid, but slimy fluid from my mouth) which was accompanied with a runny nose. I had no control over my actions; I became helpless on the floor and began moaning painfully. My body began twisting in strange positions.

I held whatever my hand could reach as I struggled in pains. I felt like vomiting my intestines or everything in my stomach (if possible), but the discomfort increased as I watched myself die slowly. I struggled for breath. My life was squeezed out of me gradually.

I found myself on the bed when I opened my eyes.

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I looked around, trying to understand the environment I found myself; a nurse passed by without looking towards my direction; I confirmed I am in the hospital. I tried adjusting my position to sit upright, but in moving my body to get the desired comfort I need, I heard a voice say, ‘Relax!” It’s my sister. I felt embarrassed; I couldn’t look at her face boldly. She said, “I was almost dead on the floor when she found me, and she felt disturbed when I turned down her request of coming to visit”(that’s why she insisted on visiting). My sister informed me she would no longer stay with my elder sister anymore, but she will stay close to me (since she is scared she might lose me).

I started seeing a therapist after my discharge from the hospital.

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I had a series of sessions with a therapist and I felt better. I started writing again and living my normal life while putting my past behind me. I visited some close friends (who were ordained as priests) in their various parishes, and they counselled me. I made up my mind to let go of the fact I could not be a priest and start a family.

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